A Friend Only Ever Focuses About Herself: Should I End the Friendship?

We've been close companions for more than 20 years, who has faced and conquered many challenges, which I admire. But, she has been repeatedly blindsided by people. Her husband ended their marriage, which came as a huge shock. Several of close acquaintances drifted away then, because they seemed only interested in her husband. It shocked her. She put in more effort toward our bond, and must have grasped better the essence of true friendship.

The Pattern In Relationships

In the time since, quite a few close to her vanished and she isn't knowing the cause. Her previous job suddenly changed toward her, although she was very skilled at her work, her exit happened unaware of the reason for the change.

Current Dynamics

Recently, both of us retired leading to more each other more, but I am finding my position in our friendship is as the audience. I open subjects and she changes the talk toward things she cares about. In terms of politics, she has firm beliefs. My effort is to suggest verifying facts and alternate views.

She is arranging a holiday abroad I've visited on several occasions and lived in for a while. My intention was to provide insights, but this was unappreciated. She essentially only wanted my agreement with her choices. I recently returned from four weeks in that country she is eager to meet, yet I'm reluctant.

Evaluating the Situation

I don't want to act as a friend who abandons suddenly without a word, yet I doubt she can comprehend the impact of her actions on my self-esteem. At this point, I find myself in avoidance mode. What should I do?

Possible Paths

One option is to walk away, but it is rarely the easy answer we hope for. However, addressing it with a view to resolution requires bravery and openness on both your parts.

Therapists recommend using a effective method for resolving disputes:

"Step one requires explaining how things go when you talk. Aim for this to be based on facts and basically exactly what occurs. The second involves sharing her how it makes you feel. Ideally, there's no disagreement on this point. Your feelings are valid, after all. The third step is to ask ways you together will alter the pattern of your friendship."

Remember your friend has her own side, meaning you must to be prepared to acknowledge it. A helpful technique is to say her:

"Please share your thoughts and I promise to remain silent for 30 minutes."

Closing Considerations

She might reject all you say, for those who have a deep-seated story: they maintain a story about themselves they're unable to let go of as it feels essential is tied to it and it's all they've known. It's tough because there's no clear path here, only cul-de-sacs. But she may start out this way then consider your perspective. If a resolution isn't found an agreement, it provides closure from having been honest with her.