Evening Hosts Lampoon Trump's New 'Gold Card' Visa Program

Late-night's prominent entertainers devoted the evening mocking former President Donald Trump's just unveiled immigration initiative, dubbed the "golden visa," portraying it as a blatant pay-to-play scheme for the affluent.

The Late Show's Sarcastic Take

Starting his program, Stephen Colbert delivered a satirical holiday tune targeting the commander-in-chief. "He is making a list, checking it twice, before handing that list to the agents at ICE," he sang. "Donald Trump ... spoils everything he comes into contact with."

The subject was the new plan that permits international nationals to buy U.S. residence for the price of $1 million dollars, with a "premium" version for five million. An official website guarantees approval "faster than ever."

"One message here to affluent foreigners: before you pay, what about Canada?" Colbert joked.

He noted that the program is also designed to "get cash" from firms wanting to hire skilled workers, requiring large fees. "That's a lot of fees, but if you enroll, you additionally get a complimentary stay at a hotel of your choice – provided that it's the a specific Marriott," he said.

"The most thorough background check the government has before done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to verify these people truly meet the standard to be in America."

"That is important, you gotta prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "The initial query: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Roast

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the initiative the "Get Into America Express Card."

"It's a card that will allow rich international individuals to live here," he said. "For a million bucks, you get official resident status, you get a road to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one significant crime of your choice."

"It might be time to change that message on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your huddled masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel teased the simplicity of the form, noting it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"That's right, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "It's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Grocery Concerns

On another network, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's plunging poll ratings amid economic worries. "The public gave Donald Trump a second term since they were angry about the economy," he noted.

Recently, in a effort to address affordability, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a selection of grocery items, where he behaved oddly to boxes of cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a while."

"He's so incredibly weird," Meyers reacted. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by targeting right-leaning media defenses of Trump's financial record. "Perhaps rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a sparkling trophy like what FIFA did," he laughed.